A Proposition For the Big Man

I'm feeling emotional and a little spiritual today. Forgive me for deviating from the usual light hearted banter and pictures of Kaeden.

As I've mentioned before, a close friend of mine, Jeremy, was killed seven years ago. I miss him dearly. And although it was quite long ago, I've never quite gotten "over it". Shortly after his death I was told that I would never "get over it," just come to peace with it. I guess I have gotten closer to that.

I don't know what it is about his passing that sticks with me so strongly. A picture of him will still bring me to tears. I don't know if it's because of some underlying guilt I have about our friendship in the late years, or the fact that all this happened just as I was stepping out of my adolescence and into adulthood. A time in my life that bridges the gap of all that was, and all that could be. A time cut too short for Jeremy, an individual with more determination and direction than any of us still left here.

The other night I had a vivid dream. When I woke up in the morning, I remembered that in my dream Jeremy was was allowed to visit us [me and all my friends from back in the day]. I remember preparing for a casual night out with friends and watching him drive up. I remember thinking outside of my dream, "That's Jeremy. How's he here?" and in the same thought understanding that he was here on loan. He was given a hall pass from Heaven to come back and just be.

And I loved every minute of it. He was there. Everything was back to normal. He was okay. [Although I was acutely aware that it wasn't permanent].

After Jeremy's passing I remember begging and pleading with him to please let me know he was okay. Never before had I ever had a terrifying realization that there might possibly be nothing past this life. What if this was it? Lights out. Then nothing? It physically would make me ill and keep me up at night.

I had small confirmations here and there shortly after his passing that gave me the peace of mind I needed. These instances and moments still mean a lot to me, even though when I try to put into words what I saw, heard, and felt, it makes me feel a little crazy. Nevertheless, these moments are mine.

Early on I often asked for Jeremy visit me in my dreams [because I've heard that sometimes spirits present themselves that way]. I wanted him to let me know he was okay. But it never happened. Not even me consciously thinking of it allowed him to sneak into my dreams. There have been small traces of him here and there in dreams since that time, but nothing of note.

After waking up from my dream the other night, I thought to myself how this was the first time Jeremy had ever fully presented himself in my dreams. I didn't think much of it. The hopes to find confirmation of his safety and to see him in my dreams have significantly relaxed as time has gone by.

It wasn't until I was discussing my dream with someone that it hit me. My dream came to me exactly 7 years to the date from which Jeremy was taken from us. Coincidence? Sure. My subconscious mind playing out in my dreams? Of course. Thought provoking and inspiring? Definitely.

So here's my proposition to the big guy up above. How about some sort of loaner program? Give us our loved ones back. Just for a day. Let us know they feel our love. That they remember us. That they are okay. No questions about the afterlife. No secrets revealed. Just a moment in time to remember how it felt to just be.

Sure. It's supposed to all be about faith. But I think I might be onto something with this idea. Just something to consider...