Not My Proudest Moments

Yup.

That pretty much sums up my week [month? couple of months? I've lost track...]

The CARTERBABES!

He's not been a happy camper.

Poor fella has been cutting teeth, and as we learned with his first [and only] two teeth...kid does not take it well.

So you know... six is no big deal.  Obviously.

On top of that, he had his first cold.  We've been lucky that he never got sick until after his first birthday. You know... for his general health... and our sanity.

Now, I'm not trying to discredit the pain and discomfort he's been going through....but Oh. My. Hell.

I thought I was going to die.

When I explained to people that Carter insisted on me holding him [while standing up] for hours on end when he cut his first two teeth, I got a lot of, "Well that was your decision." "You are just spoiling him." "I would never do that with my kid."

Let me tell you.  When the only moments you have just a little bit of peace and quiet are the fifteen minutes your kid distractedly stops fussing while you pace your house.... You would.

I wanted to look at those people and be like, "Really?  You think I enjoy standing while holding a 20+ pound kid for hours on end?  Standing there staring at everything I need to get done and just watching work pile up around me?  Standing there exhausted and helpless?  'Cause yeah... it's just so CUTE when he needs his mommy!"

This time around I was almost pushed to the edge.

And I'll admit it.  I kinda sucked as a mom this week.

I was physically exhausted.  But even more so... mentally.

Knowing that you cannot fully comfort your kid is one thing.  But having a kid who also has no clue what he wants in order to be comforted is another.  Especially when he insists that you - and only you- suffer through it with him.

It has been hell.

And I'm not proud of how I've handled it.

There was a point this weekend I was so on edge with a screaming kid in my hands that I randomly just freaked out.  I screamed at Jeff that I needed help.  I yelled at Kaeden to stop nagging me.  Just as I was about to break, Jeff thought the following words would snap me back to reality:

"You need to RELAX."

Yes ladies.

I know.  Genius.

Yep.

I freaked. 

I may or may not have used a few 4 letter words to tell him to have a nice day.

I told you.  I'm not proud.

We're on the downside of 7 days of pure hell.  But honestly, Carter's fussiness has been a constant battle for at least a month.  It's just the last 7 days have been cuh-ray-zee.  I'm thinking there might be a light at the end of the tunnel, but I don't want to jinx myself.

So, I feel a little guilty about my behavior.

I sucked.

I know it. 

I wish I could be the perfect little mother who just grinned and beared it and in the end proudly exclaimed, "It was rough, but we got through it TOGETHER!"

But I didn't.

And that's okay.

Because in the end my kids still chooses me over everyone else.

Thank goodness for unconditional love.