Welcome to My World [2]

1] Is it so wrong that I am obsessed with the back of my kid's head? It is so gorgeous, bulbous, and adorable. I need it like a fat kid needs cake [thanks fiddy]. Got a problem?

2] Do you know what is disappointing? Realizing you've been really lazy, and failed to really film anything of your baby's development with that nifty camcorder you just had to have before he was born.

3] Do you know what's even more disappointing. Pulling out said camcorder to capture some of your baby's first steps. Then reviewing the tape later to realize you had filmed it all with the night vision setting on. [Don't flatter yourself, it's not because of what you think.]

4] I'm really, really angry at higher education right now. I feel like they force you to choose a major and move on way too quickly. Don't get me wrong. I'm good at what I do, but I'm thinking that if I were a little more informed, I might have chosen a simpler, more lucrative career path. I'm telling you high school graduates. Physical therapy is where it is at.

5] What is the lifespan of a cricket? Seriously, there is a quartet of them that have been serenading us by our bedroom window every night SINCE WE MOVED IN. Don't they die off after a couple of days like fruit flies?

6] Next time your husband programs the key code to access the garage and tells you, "It's our old address." Double check it's functionality before you leave the house. This is because in his senile head you lived on 3345 West. Not 3347 West, which would be the correct answer.

7] Someone has to explain this to me. Where does a child learn to dance to a beat? Better yet, why does my child insist that said beat be LATIN?

8] It's official. It's been one year, and I've determined that my stomach muscles were accidentally thrown away with all the bloody cloths used during my c-section. That, or the internal dissolving stitches dissolved much more then themselves. I'm just saying. It's the only logical explanation.

9] Speaking of which. I've never thought the mall would become the place of such anxiety, depression, and anger for me. Seriously. I have not had a good experience there in nearly TWO years.

10] I think Kaeden and Milo have become best friends. I saw Milo trying to coax Kaeden into wearing a BFF collar with him the other day. If you would have told me one year ago that Kaeden and Milo would become such fast friends I would have never believed it. Seriously. As I type they are running around the room, Kaeden hysterically laughing.

11] Give me some Birkinstocks, and call me granola. I freaking LOVE mountain biking.

12] Do you want to learn a good lesson? When you have that nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you need to dump all the pictures off your memory card, DO IT. The next thing you know your toddler will steal said memory card out of your computer tower and hide it. Hysterically upset? I THINK SO. It wasn't just every pic from the past six months - it was HALF HIS LIFE! Good thing he just hid it under the tower for safe keeping. Now the world can go back to normal.

13] Do you ever get so ornery that it's irrational, but you know it's irrational, yet you have no power over it? Better yet, does the irrationality of it all make you wonder if you are crazy and then causes you to become even more angry? Me neither.

14] I never really get into TV. There was only one show I cared to watch [and own] every episode of - THE O.C. [don't judge]. That was until a little show called Burn Notice arrived. I'm obsessed. No seriously. OBSESSED. Heeeellllooooo Jeffrey Donovan. My name is Ashley. I'm a cancer. I enjoy long walks on the beach....

15] I feel like a prisoner in my own body. I NEVER thought such words would ever be uttered from my mouth. But it's true. I do. I can also vouch that it's one of the worst feelings in the world.

16] I was going to end this at 15, but I couldn't peacefully end it on such a negative note. So I give you this: NAMASTE.