If you are only 25 and question whether there is more to life than just keeping your head above water, does that mean you are having a mid-life crisis, and you're only going to live until 50?
No, I'm not trying to be melodramatic, and no, I don't have the post-partum blues (anymore....he, he). I'm just wondering if I'll ever reach that point in my life where I feel "caught up" or somewhat relaxed. I'm a list person, and I'm a do-er by nature. Relaxing to me is getting things crossed off my ever-evolving "to-do" list(s). Sick, I know....but soooo therapeutic to me. I have lists for everything, lists for work, lists for stuff to get done around the house, lists of things I need to make lists of. The list goes on.... (I had to).
There is one "master" list though that I sub-consciously treat as my, "once-I-get-these-items-off-my-plate" list, I'll be _________ (fill in the blank...truly happy, relieved, ready to tackle those hobbies I've wanted to pick up...). I was thinking as I was driving home today (a great place to think...when my mind is not preoccupied with the cost of gas, and the guzzler I drive)....this list never ends! I thought about what was on this list 9 months ago when I was just barely pregnant. It had items on there that I wanted to get done before I could get my "getting-close-to-baby-being-here" list underway. Looking back, those things were completed long ago...and I still have this feeling of "once I get these things done, I will be _______." What gives?
Now I don't think the solution is to get rid of my lists. In fact, I like that I am a highly motivated, multi-tasking, hard-working individual. It is so ingrained in me, it is my identity. I get this personality trait from my grandpa, and I worship the man, so please....don't tell me to get rid of my lists. I'm not really looking for a solution...just wanted to blab and blog. Thought if I tried to type out what is on my mind, I could get a self-therapy session out, and entertain a few of my readers out there who might feel the same way.
And just in case you were wondering.... I do have a list for things I'd like to tackle once my never-ending list is complete. They include things I want to do purely for me (I have a selfish streak). They include, but are not limited to (and in no particular order):
1) Becoming a better (and more consistent) blogger -- ahh! If time were no constraint!
2) Learning to digital scrapbook and begin scrapbooking my child's life before it's too late (plus if I could get really good and scrapbook areas of my life prior to him, that would be an added bonus)
3) Get caught up on, and consistent with, my baby book/journal/open letter to Kaeden (started at birth)
4) Get in shape and then find a way to maintain that shape with exercise that I'm excited to do (i.e. kickboxing--not the punch the air kind, the I mean the kicking-the-crap-out-of-a-huge-barrel kind)
5) Organize everything in my house (which I plan on doing if I ever get a chance to move to a new one. I've put it off in this current one, hoping I can just pick it up in the next one). Most people would think my house is very organized...but I feel like a person on meth who sees bugs (i.e. unorganization) everywhere! If I were into bumper stickers, mine would say, "Organizing is my Prozac/Celexa/Lexapro/Paxil/Zoloft."
6) Gain some photography skills (and perhaps have a chance to learn some of the features of my camera other than "auto" mode), and capture those "must-have" pics of my kid in a skillful, semi-professional manner.
7) Feel like I have enough time to complete the things I "need to do", enjoy the things I "want to do", and still have time to be with the people who mean so much to me (you all know who you are, and I'm sorry to always be "too busy").
I keep hoping that the ethereal "ONE DAY" will come, and all these "lists" I have will be no more. Perhaps instead of waiting around for it, I should start making some changes.....I'll put that on my "to-do" list.....
September 2, 2008
If...
Posted by Ashley Outnumbered
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5 Comments:
I'm a "lister" too. If I don't write it down, I start to get stressed out.
I am throwing a big Christmas party at the beginning of December, and I already have my list done, so I can start on it. If I don't know, I will get super stressed.
i totally used to be a "lister"...
not quite sure what's happened over the years. i see a lot of myself in this blog post! but for me, what it's pretty much boiled down to is feeling out-of-control/chaotic inside my head + needing to make everything around me PERFECT. i've been told by numerous people that i'm ocd/a neat freak/martha stewart... but i don't reallly know that it's a BAD thing! lists are awesome! and if organizing takes you to your happy place... i say go for it! before taylor was born i had an idea of what my house would look like, and babyproofing wouldn't be necessary because i would just teach him not to touch certain things. over the years, [he's 6 now] i've had to realize that while that's fun for me, it's not for him. our house now is clean, but definitely lived in. every once in a while though, i'll go through a phase and everything has to be a certain way, ie: dishtowels folded and hung MY WAY... couch cushions put on the couch MY WAY... floor vacumed MY WAY. you get the idea. my husband just shakes his head and grins at me, but he gets it.
my friend + i were talking the other day and i was telling her about a magazine article that i had read about saving all your best things for special occasions + i realized that I DO THAT! i won't burn a new candle because i'll save it for... what? i'm actually not even sure. i won't wear a certain something because... why? it's TOO cute? and i can only wear it on an occasion that's calling for cute? the list went on about women that do this with perfume, jewelry, etc. my friend even said that she used to save all her good makeup + use her old makeup... just because. she didn't even know why. the point i got from the article is that we save these things because we don't feel like we're worth them on a regular plain 'ol tuesday. and why not?
it's a little off topic from what you were actually posting about, but maybe you do that too? you reminded me of that article because you say "one day" like someone needs to give you permission, or let you know when "one day" is.
it's today!
don't throw away your lists! organize the heck out of your house! but give yourself permission to just focus on YOU! just because. you're totally worth it!
"one day" can be RIGHT NOW, if you let it!
[that was the longest comment EVER]
sick of me yet? :)
i LOVE digital scrapbooking + would love to teach you anytime!
OMG! Don't you know the 3M company's stock would fall off the Dow Jones if the Listers stopped jotting down random items on Yellow Stickies?? Which, of course, are to be consolidated at home each night to the Master List, which are updated on the .....
Yeah, I totally get the point!
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