Dear Neighbor

Thank you for telling the people putting an offer on my house yesterday that the train in our neighborhood is quote: "really loud." Just because you yourself (a real estate agent) couldn't get anyone to come through your house when you put it up for sale, doesn't mean that you should try to prevent anyone from buying mine. That's right. I know who you are. And I know you put those mean comments on my home-selling blog. Besides, the other neighbors don't live in their house anymore (thus not available to talk to my potential buyers), and their house is still for sale. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to know that they wouldn't say something derogatory about the train since hello! I repeat, their house is for sale too. Thanks to you, those buyers who were so intent in putting in an offer last night (thus making my dreams of being a Salt Lake Countian a little more realistic), have decided to "wait until Monday to think about making their offer."
You're lucky Traci was here last night, helping me while Jeff was out of town. I had plans for your mailbox, and it wouldn't have been pretty. No, I've never made a pipe bomb, but don't test my Google abilities! Traci suggested toilet-papering. I told her she was weak. Lucky for you my anger was quelled by Milo running out of my house last night (usually something that angers me beyond belief) straight to your house, peeing on your tree, and then obediently returning home. How did he know? Perhaps it was all for the better. I'm sure my pipe bomb would have probably blown off the bed of your truck parked near your mailbox. I'd probably be looking at felony property damage at that point.